Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
be right there i have to get my cape
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
