yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
