Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
