theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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