Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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