i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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