My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
