ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
