her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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