Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fill condoms, not promises.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
