Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
