we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
