Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
