this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
