Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
