So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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