I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
