So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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