found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
