Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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