i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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