Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
