oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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