Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
