My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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