So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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