i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
