Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
