Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
