Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize