very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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