I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
