it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
