i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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