Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
