ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
