i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
