Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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