i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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