I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I bet he comes in French.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Help. Why am I so naked?
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