if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
