Say something about gay babies.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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