You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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