well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
