i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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