So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
