I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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