I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
