Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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