i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i will never coherently bang her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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