I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
a search helicopter?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
