note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
