Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm always down for nudity.
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