Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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