You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
