I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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