i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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