I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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