The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
