also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
