filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
