Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
