I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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