I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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