I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
