Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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