My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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