Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
