A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
