Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
