is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
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my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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