none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
