That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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