we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
