If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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