just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
