I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just cropdusted the office
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
