apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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