Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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